Series: Skeletons in the Closet
Title: Identify Your Skeleton
What exactly are we talking about when we say “Skeletons in the Closet.”
Skeletons in the Closet – discredible or embarrassing fact that you would prefer to keep secret;
It is something hidden that only you or very few people know about. Well at least that’s what you think.
What about you do you have any secrets?
What if you died and your family had to go through your things. Are there things inside of your home that would be hard for anyone who finds it to understand why you have it?
- Magazines, Adult novelties, certain books, certain medications, weapons, hidden cash, unpaid bills, rare collection worth money, a family picture you have never seen, pictures of an ex, a family recipe, etc.. (not saying these are sinful just making a point)
- Would they find your darkest secrets hidden in the pages of your journal?
- Would they be surprised by your browser history on the internet?
- Would they discover private social media accounts that you have used, so that no one knows it’s you?
- Would they read text from certain people that you would prefer no one finds out about?
It is probably a good chance that your family will be a little shocked by something they found in your home. Why is that? Because you have done a great job of hiding it from everyone.
If your friends or family were to find such things after your parting, I think it would be safe to say you have a skeleton in the closet. However, not all these “skeletons” are necessarily bad. Not all things need to be made public. They may find pain medication and be a little confused, but you may be taking the appropriate dosage and not over doing it but decided to keep it a secret.
However, if there are secrets that are contributing to unhealthy mindsets, or habitual sinful patterns, instability in your emotions, or just plain unhealthy for your physical body, then you really should evaluate whether you need that in your life.
Let the Holy Spirit guide you in discerning what is good and what is not. It is also helpful to talk to someone, like a trusted friend or even a Christian counselor.
Today we will narrow it down to three possible skeletons: Shame, Pain, Secret Sins
Shame - a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, (a feeling of deserving blame for offenses)
Pain - bodily sensation or complex of sensations that causes mild to severe physical
Hurt - to suffer pain or grief; to cause damage or distress; discomfort and emotional distress
Secret Sins - transgression of the law of God
Is It a Skeleton of Shame?
In most cases shame is brought upon us by our own doing. We’ve sinned, we’ve messed up, said or didsomething we later regretted and therefore we experience a level of shame for our wrongdoing.
There are countless stories in the bible in which this is the case. But let’s briefly look at an instance in the bible that takes place in the beginning of time. This event occurred at the fall of mankind and ever since then there has been this thing called shame and guilt.
Genesis 3:6-7
6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
It’s worth pointing out that before they had eaten of the forbidden tree, they were both naked and unashamed. We see this in the previous chapter.
Genesis 2:25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
They did not know what shame was until they disobeyed God. It was only after they had sinned that their eyes were opened and for the first time, they had felt shame for their nakedness. So, to cover their shame, they made for themselves clothing from fig leaves.
This proved to be an insufficient covering for their shame, as God would then clothe them with the skins of an animal. Illustrating to us that there is no sufficient covering but through the shedding of innocent blood. Mainly through His Son Jesus Christ our Lord.
It was necessary for Adam and Eve to experience shame for their sins. For if they had not experienced shame, they would have continued to disobey God. Many people get to the point where they sin so frequently, they no longer experience shame, they believe they are right in their own eyes. However, they are building their lives on lies; like straw that will be consumed by fire at the end of the age.
Shame makes us aware that what we did is not pleasing to God. Shame is the initial indicator to us that we have done something wrong to hinder our relationship with God.
Then there is the other side of shame in which a person experiences shame brought upon them by someone else with no fault on their own.
2 Samuel 13:10-14
10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. 13 As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” 14 But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.
19 And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.
Tamar had to live with the shame that was brought upon her by a close family member. It was no fault on her own. She obeyed her father David by caring for half-brother Amnon during his “sickness.” Amnon took advantage of her, and he raped her.
The condition he left her:
- Her virginity (her gift to her future husband) was violently taken from her.
- He forced her out of his room, he hated
- Where beauty was once worn as a crown by Tamar, ashes now cover her head.
- Her precious garments are now ripped apart in anguish of her soul.
- Her kindness was repaid by violence and incest, all that remains is loud cries of pain.
- Her dignity and her honor were stripped away in a moment’s notice. What would people say as the word was sure to get out. For how could such a disgraceful thing could happen in Israel.
Tamar had experienced shame that was brought upon her by no fault of her own.
Perhaps many of you have had things happen to you that have not been any fault of your own. But you still carrythat shame with you everywhere you go. (skeleton in the closet) Perhaps you even blame yourself for something that happened years ago that wasn’t your fault. (name calling)
But whether you have experienced shame by some act of sin that you have done, or because of something that was done to you by someone else, today you do not have to carry that shame outside of these doors. Leave it at the altar. Let Him take your shame.
Psalms 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
1 Peter 5:6-7
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
Is It a Skeleton of Pain?
Unfortunately, many people carry around with them a tremendous amount of hurt and pain.
Pain comes in many different forms.
Pain from a broken or abusive relationship
Pain from a bad report from the doctor
Pain from past failures in life.
Pain from being hurt by a close friend
Pain of never measuring up to a parent’s expectations
Pain from all the wickedness being done in the world today
Physical pain from an injury or disease
Pain from losing someone close to you. Take Ruth for an example.
Ruth 1:19-21
19 So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem. And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. And the women said, “Is this Naomi?” 20 She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me.21 I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?”
Naomi was a woman who was carrying a lot of pain. Anyone who has loss someone close to you understands the pain she was going through. For she had not only loss her husband, but also her two sons. The pain of losing her husband and her children was too much to bear.
It affected the way that she had seen herself as she no longer wanted to be called Naomi which meant “my delight” but was willing to accept the name Mara (Mah-rah) (bitterness). It also affected her perception of who God is, as she blames Him for dealing very bitterly with her.
Pain often brings about blame and heightens anxiety by the fear of the unknown.
- “What if my abdominal pain is a sign of a serious illness?" (Example of chest pain)
- Naomi’s case what if talk to someone about the pain I’m experiencing, will they judge me
So, we tend to hide the pain we face from those who are closest to us. Naomi’s pain was mostly hidden from the people closest to her while she lived in the land of Moab. But when she came back home to Bethlehem, it says that the whole town was stirred up about her. Her pain had followed her though she had travelled a great distance.
There is purpose in the pain.
Just as shame plays a role in helping us to realize when our actions have offended God, pain motivates us to come up with some sort of action plan to get rid of the pain. Pain may have come as an unwanted interruption in your life. But you must ask what is its purpose?
2 Corinthians 12:7-9
7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Paul’s pain was used to keep him from becoming conceited for he had been given great revelations regarding Jesus our Savior.
Pain demands a response and is not to be shoved off into a closet. Perhaps the response is to not isolateyourself but to allow yourself to be in community with a group of believers who can help you navigate your spiritual and emotional pain.
If it is physical pain, then perhaps your response is to see a doctor. Yes, we believe that God has healedbefore and that He is still very capable of healing you miraculously, but He has also given doctors the wisdom, skill, and resources to diagnose and properly treat you. He may heal you through medicine. Pray that He leads you to the right doctor.
But you are only fooling yourself when you think the pain will just go away if it is ignored or not dealt with or just tucked away in the closet.
Is It a Skeleton of Secret Sins?
It is one thing to have the shame of past sins as a skeleton in your closet, but it is a whole different matter to have ongoing sin as a skeleton in your closet. To have sin as a skeleton would imply that there are some things that you do in secret that no one knows about.
There are many lessons to be learned from the life of David. One of the biggest lessons is that God sees our secret sins. In fact, He sees it all.
David thought he had gotten away with adultery with Bathsheba and with murder of Bathsheba’s husband Uriah. For only his commanding officer Joab was aware of his plot to have Uriah placed in the fiercest part of the battle ensuring he would be killed. Joab was a trusted military official surely David’s secret was safenicely tucked away in the closet somewhere. Well so he thought. But there is nothing that is hidden from the eyes of the Lord.
Hebrews 4:13
13 And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
God reveals David’s sin through the prophet Nathan.
2 Samuel 12:7-15
7 Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you out of the hand of Saul. 8 And I gave you your master's house and your master's wives into your arms and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah. And if this were too little, I would add to you as much more. 9 Why have you despised the word of the Lord, to do what is evil in his sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’ 11 Thus says the Lord, ‘Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house. And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. 12 For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun.’”13 David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die.14 Nevertheless, because by this deed you have utterly scorned the Lord, the child who is born to you shall die.” 15 Then Nathan went to his house.
It was no longer a secret. David’s sin was out in the open. His response should be everyone’s response to sin that has been exposed. He does not deny it, He does not pass the blame on anyone else, He admits it by saying “I have sinned against the Lord” and he was broken over it. He even mentions it several times in His Psalms.
Psalm 32:5
I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.
Secret sins are to be confessed to the Lord, so that you will receive forgiveness. As long as you continue to deny it exist, or pretend to have shoved it in a closet, you will not be healed from it.
Isaiah 5:18 (NLT)
18 What sorrow for those who drag their sins behind them
with ropes made of lies, who drag wickedness behind them like a cart!
We think that our shame, guilt, hurt, pain, and our sin is hidden from everyone, but the problem is that God sees it all. We don’t have to carry it on our own. He sent His Son Jesus to die for it all.
The first thing is identifying the skeleton that you have been dragging along with you.
- Is it shame?
By something you did or by something that was done to you
- Is it pain?
A deep wound or physical ailment that you have tried you best to hide from everyone
- Is it a secret sin?
Something that you would prefer no one ever finds out about.
There is healing in the cross of Jesus Christ. Put that skeleton in the ground where it belongs. Don’t carry that heavy burden any more.